Tag Archives: ramblings

Halwa – a walk down nostalgia lane


It has been a long time since I had halwa this good. To be honest I couldn’t believe it when Mom said that dad made this but it became clear why I had that moment in Ratatouille that Anton Ego had. The recipe was from my grand mom’s sister and for a couple of minutes the taste just transported me to Fort Cochin. If there is any sense that can take you down nostalgia lane, it’s food like this. What I loved was the fact that it had the elements of the halwa that I know and love as well as being better than the ones I have had. Dad definitely did some improvisation which definitely made it better.



The intent is not a profound post of any sort but a very obvious rambling of  thoughts. Today was a day to reflect on the past and interestingly it was it was accompanied by a observation of human behavior most likely  statistical but something that surely made an impression on me.


Let’s ignore the actual work place implication for a minute and focus on the more  interesting part which is a chart shared by our upper management regarding  our annual review system. The short message of the chart was that about 3/4  of the people fell into the bucket that their managers expected them to be in.  This seems pretty straight forward in a system with rules and where outcomes  are just numbers. The interesting part is if we actually extrapolate this  assumption to humanity and society as a whole. Obviously I would like to call  out first that I do not claim to generalize social behavior through corporate  functions or examples but rather to just put forward a hypothetical argument  that if a similar function existed in society in a general manner then how can we interpret it. Also it is to be remembered that  corporates are also something that we humans have created and hence every  aspect in a corporate environment is just an offspring of some human thought that has manifested itself in  some form of corporate social interaction or rules or boundaries. So basically  the theory of corporate rules in social behavior is not absurd since they are a  social entity today.


Now back to the point regarding ranking. I was surprised how well that we are  able to rank others  as managers and as peers particularly since I was new to the lead rols. Also this raises the question as to are  we predictable. But that is not the question that I wish to discuss. The more  interesting one is that "Are we only as good as what other people perceive us  to be?". I know I am opening up a can of worms by asking something where  individualism is challenged. I am individualist myself and do not depend on the  grading of my accomplishments by others but the obvious fact is that we have  managed to reduce human social characteristics and capability to a function of  numbers also raises the question of are we just a part of the greater and grander equation.  A quention like “can we describe humans as just fit to another bell  curve?” is something that I guess will be haunt me. The interesting fact is  that do we have a natural instinct to grade others and ourselves with respect  to others. This form of rating is evil since it just pits one man against  another and it finally manifests itself as war. You might think that it’s a bit of stretch but come  to think of it corporates are just battles on a different z-plane. They don’t  function with rules of military war but rather on elements of financial gain and  judicial rules and at the end of the day the stock markets are definition of  victory. I digress, but anyway I realized that this kind of social perception raises  fear and also increase anxiety which is never constructive if the end goal is to  compared against individuals of any form since humans, are at then of the day  just pure ego in flesh and blood.


I don’t however wish to end this post on sad note but would like to call out a  very interesting statement – "We are not competing against peers and the only  competition we actually have is with ourselves!". This one statement made my  day and I think will leave a lasting impression on me. The fact that this is back  to the triumph of the individualist is what makes it so profound. The moment  your barriers are broken and boundaries torn down, we don’t have fear of  being judged and we are not limited by anyone but ourselves. This was like  cure to the sickness of humans to rate and grade someone else. It almost  sounds like anarchy but then again systems form by interaction and so the  function of individuals requires us to break our complete individual boundaries  to some extent since we are human beings and a social being after all.


This brings us back to the point that we need a system of rating and we have  to consent to the fact that there will be other judging us. It might be our  parents, our children, our management, our peers, our neighbors, our friends,  our enemies, our teachers, our servants, our shopkeepers, our gods or just  ourselves.  The bottom line is that perception is necessary to help us and to  move us up since if we didn’t have a difference in perception then there would  be nothing to change and that almost means we stop to evolve. It also means  that, how people perceive us is not totally wrong since there is an element of  you in everyone and there is a probability that they might be right. There is a  chance that the people who judge you are wrong but by that statement and thought you  have already judged them and could you wrong yourself!!!!!!


Perceptions of others can lead to a paroxysm of grief unless we question them  objectively and this is slice of society I wanted to write about today.  

The Rear View Mirror

Water flowing down the road. The sewers clogged and the streets flooded. Looks like the government didn’t get time from their bickering and fake encounters. This year again the rain manages to kill and starve hundreds. This is not a game we are playing. There are cards to be dealt and they are dealt only once. If you don’t play it right, there might not be another chance. There is no time for frivolity or any excuse to stop and admire this downpour. The message is coming and there is one one chance to get through this.“Zando, Do you hear me?” Asked Lokee. “Stop acting so naive, I’ve known you long enough to see through that ‘I don’t give a damn’ look of yours,  We’ve seen too many days and nights of flowing water and blood in this city. I think it is time we made some changes. Don’t you dare be the complaint box again. Screw your negativity cause your not taking me down with that today.”“Lou” , As Zando called him dearly. “You know I can’t miss this. I know I am a bit lost, actually always lost. But this just a bit too important to just be myself. I sometimes wish I could just though, but damn these opportunities. They just make you do things. Anyway wait by the clipper. I’ll come in a few minutes.”You better, I don’t want to wait. I swear I’ll beat the crap out of you if you do anything stupid.  No time for a shower or a shave. So just get out as soon as your done with your smoke. I can’t risk it like last time so just finish your damn smoke before you get out. – Lokee wasn’t always like this. But times have changed and age makes you a cynic and there were not many things that someone in that age could experiment with to get things. There are very few things that gets Lokee excited and Zando wasn’t helping in anyway. Actually Zando has always been Lokee’s anchor. The kind that never lets you use your full potential. Think of it like an anchor on a speed boat. What good would that do!Whistling and a half smoked cigarette in hand, Zando comes down the elevator and walks towards their scooter which they lovingly call clipper. Clipper comes out each time Zando manages to get Lokee’s car into the body shop. Zando isn’t a fast driver. He’s just careless. “Damn Lokee, where is the car? I hate this thing. It’s so damn hard to smoke with the wind hitting your face mannnnnnn. Oh oh… my bad. Sorry I forgot. I swear I forgot. Just so that you know I wasn’t drunk. Actually I was the designated driver for the night but the guy who sat with me in front wasn’t easy to handle…”Zando, shut the fuck up. I don’t want to hear your crappy apologies right now. We’ll deal with that later. Right now lets just get to the damn campus. Rushi asked us to get there asap an hour ago so stop fooling around and lets just go man. – Lokee was tired and exhausted trying reason with Zando. Nothing has changed in the last 10 years since high school. There were times when Lokee has beat up Zando for his silliness and Lokee constantly wonders why he still hasn’t moved out with his girl friend. Zando doesn’t really mind getting punched by Lokee. He doesn’t mind get punched by anyone.They drove away on Clipper through the sewage filled streets. The rain hasn’t yet fully stopped but it won’t last long. They have to play the game soon. Some games can be played only once. It’s like a lottery. You can never play with the same ticket twice. On the way Zando shrugs back into his hole. A place his brain constantly retreats when things around him moves fast. Like the road below his feet and the sounds of the hawkers and the children playing in the pot hole puddles. He wasn’t in a prettier place, it was just quieter. He enjoyed his solitude, its came to him naturally and he would go there even if the shop keeper in a bazaar was yelling at the top of his voice trying to make a deal with Lokee. This was his weakness and also his strength. His cards were being dealt but Lokee knew that only he can play Zando’s cards since Zando didn’t care and there was nothing in the world that could change this. Lokee tries to keep his eyes on the road and while driving away notices his little house’s gate disappears slowly in clippers cracked rear view mirror.


Crossing Over


Crossing Over, originally uploaded by Sajay & Aditi.

A bridge, sign of hope people say. On the other hand there are some that you never want to cross because there is no turning back. I have often wondered about the value that we live by. Is it a conditioned sense of obligation or a façade filled with lies? The world is cruel and it makes you cruel as well and people most often want to believe they aren’t. At least that seems like a comforting fact, but still hypocritical in nature don’t you think. This makes even that little comfort vain. You feel as if there is no surface to reflect upon and you look up into the blackness and feel the endless void in life. The fact that a simple thing like a bridge can spark so much sorrow leaves us to question, how many things in life actually make you happy.
It’s not a sad day but I wanted to take a moment to write this down. As I want to remember “You never see what is in front and you never see what you leave behind!”. I wonder what truth is it that I look for and yearn for; I wonder if it is ever worth the fight.

He just won’t talk!

“Then again I am not a cat” – House on curiosity

I started reading about the amygdala and then stumbled upon this article and contrary to the usual belief this is actually larger in male rats. Quite disturbing but a relief and scary at the same time cause I might live longer due to the fact I’m literally inhuman and at least not crash due to emotional consequences. Then again I wonder if I am taking it too far and the emphasis is on the FAR.

Life is a good road as long as you know how to drive properly.

Why am I an Indian?

Because, when we want Shared accommodations we would like our partner to be an Indian.. Because we have a natural geographical boundary, from Himalayas to the Indian ocean.. Because, the company which brought this land mass into a single administrative unit named itself as East India company and named it India.. Because, the organization that sparked off the Nationalistic movement in India was named Indian national Congress.. Because, all of us believe in our Karma and all of us are addicted to spicy food.. Because, by looking at an Indian, I can say that he is an Indian even though I cannot know for sure from which region in India he is from.. Because, all of us want to take credit of a Civilization found a couple of thousand years ago.. Because, the name India still excites us and reminds us that we are a Nation of 1 billion people..


–attributed to Jitesh Ramanathu


He is gone but he’s not forgotten

Reflections And shadows are impressions you carry. Their are like parasites which never leave us. The irony of this is that you are never free. Your bound by these philosophies and these rules of nature. What happens when you die? Does your shadow and your relfection live on ? Have you every wondered if your shadow wanted to be free. Have you ever thought what your refleciton feels about your shadow. The color of the shadow is no reason to judge. The brightness of the reflection can be as decieving. If we had an abstract world where we had these as three and not as one .. which one would you choose. If we would let go of our selves would you want to hold on to these. I feel like the day has come for my reflection and my shadow is being cast away.

But I am no gundygut

Life has many turnings and I have wondered why. Last week my wife and I were out at Yasin’s place. For a long time I thought I never ate too much but then again I realized that I could. The biriyani was Bombay style and the Alphonso was good :)

The dinner was the occasion but my mind was somewhere else. Like dax said I am becoming too self centered. Then again is it worth the life you are living. Your priorities change. But then again you succumb to reality. Reflections on water seem clearer than the image itself. You think you know but then life teaches you otherwise. You feel that you have a way. But the way it only as good as thin ice.
I am here due to some reasons. And I will continue to be here due to those same reasons, for otherwise the existence is a fallacy.
“Never forget where you are coming from.” This song has a big meaning and that I will carry on my shoulders for a long time. I will carry it on for generations to come. For life and death and for immortality of time.
I want to leave this message, which no mind can conceive. I leave it for open interpretation so that only I can read what it means. This is what I hope to be saying on my death bed and I hope I say only this much.

More than meets the eye

I was filled with nostalgia after watching Transformers. I dont know what more to say, but that my wife knew that there is nothing better to gift a geek like me an, optimus prime collectible for my birthday

I’m off to complete this with Megatron :) 

The only problem was that this was pretty much the last piece and we did have to fight a few kids for it .. Say what ever you want but i got it :)

Reality is the hardest thing to beat

I was told that I write when i am upset. Well this time im not upset :). More or less in thought. I have been lucky. This is a very relative statement and it greatly depends on your frame of mind.
I have seen that you or me is just one person in this world and we can only make a difference to just a few more people in this world. What others say like you change lives etc is a very debatable statement. Eg . Charles Babbage didnt invent the analytical engine so that he would change the life of millions. That would only be an ego boost but the prime purpose is to satisfy the craving in oneself.
The only lives he managed to affect were probably limited to his family and some close friends and nothing more. His inventions are acts and these are only changes could have been done by anyone . I personally dont care if he or a freaking alien came up with it as the person is not important and only his act. I say this cause currently this is been a hot topic of discussion.
So with that being said I have pretty much understood that your acts might matter to some people but you arent born to change the world.
Now this doesnt mean you are not important. This means that you understand your importance is limited to a few and once you have realized that then you are at peace. You do what you want to do but you should never forget what you do might be missed even by the ones who are closest to you.
I believe the pursuit of happiness is not a pursuit but a state of mind and being lucky is also the same. A lake in the dessert has more importance not by virtue of it being a lake but only because of the dessert. So if your lucky its only cause your mind feels that everything else inspite of it being barren land has still found some water.
I have a family and things anyone could ask. I wish to think I am lucky. But i crave to get out of the dessert or atleast forget about the desert like i used to before.