I’ve had dreams of wanting to do exciting things in my life time. But then again we think are those the really exciting things in life. You grow up to be taught that what you believe is exciting is only a totally wrong idea and what you believe is not what you should.Your whole life is made up of contradictions and limitation of who you are and who you can be and who you want to be. When I was a kid NASA was my dream. I still wonder if my little brain could totally figure out what was it that I liked in NASA. Just the fact that they all went to the moon. Or was it the space suits. Well it did get me to learn of lot of names of the stars and planets and the life cycle of various celestial bodies but then again why did this craze drive me to do things like this. I wonder why kids have wishes like this. I realized my limitations and grew up to believe that its a far fetched dream and not something I would actually follow. I dont know if its my life that taught me or what people around me told. I was made to believe that what I though was a wonderful dream was only something that every kid who grows up has. I realized that I was again a part of the plan. The system which made me realize my limitations. I realized I was only as normal as anyone else.
Then again there are people who do it. How do they ? Why do they ? What drives them ? Well this was the time of decision in ones life when you come to face the fact that you have to judge whether you can try and not loose everything trying to be what you want to be.
I realized that it would be folly to go ahead with the astroNUT dream and fooled my mind to believe that there is something else. Slowly with years of coaxing the convincing I began to believe that that dream was a mere dream and not something I was serious about.
So today I know I had a dream as a child to be an astronaut. In the mean time I was pondering what interested me. I realized that numbers did. But not math. Not the math that is taught in school. But the way you can say something in a different language. You can get bigger things to talk in its own language. You know that there is a system that makes its own rules. The idea that our system is not the only system made me go crazy. So thats when i realized I can write a void Main() and get away with a crime. I realized that I drove me to smile when the damn thing ran under a set of rules that werent how humans were made.
Thats when i realized that I was a down a techie’s path.
I dont know why it makes me smile ?
But I guess I like what I do.