I am tired from thought. Tired from speech. Yet I have not been thinking or speaking. I do not understand why. I realized that this piece of trash that I write is of no use to anyone. Who ever is dear to me knows me and who knows me doesn’t have to read this to understand me. I realize the sentences I put down here are abridged versions of thoughts that I wish to publicize. I am tired of this mockery, sick of this pretence of showing what I want them to see. If they can see what is, it should be because of his own capacity and not because of what I lay down here in words. I have seen what one does not wish to see. A hypocrite in myself and decided to take him out cold and unemotionally. I have always failed to smile in any photo. I wondered why,only until now. I know that work keeps me happy and sorrow itself does not make me sad but my idleness is more unbearable than the joy of having people who don’t understand me. I feel like a fool trying to justify himself in front of a jury who does not understand what is the meaning of a free soul. They don’t know what passion is and what conviction one can have when he thinks about what he can do and would love to do. The world just revolves around a waste land. A land where the system is the education and not the freedom of thought and creativity. But of monotonous and insane similarity. The system is not corrupt. It is only evil but only to those who know what it can do to them. The system is free and yet chains you in all respects. It allows you to breathe but only the air around.
Do you see it? Do you know it ? I have begun to see it and it scares me. My future and when I lay on my death bed. Will it haunt me? Will it make me a happy man for what I have achieved and the scale of my judgment, will it be the system or will it be me.
I have decided to not speak of who I am or what I am. I will only say what is!
I cannot change the world but I can change myself.
I have a bible. A bible of my own. Where god is the author and not any man alone. I do not wish to share it with you and I do not seek yours. Let me be the one to hold it and let me alone worship it.
I believe the system shows this as selfish and as an egotistical remark. But trust me I know I am happy and my soul smiles in every picture that I reflect.
I have to be this or otherwise its not me.