Purpose of something called living

Today was a realization of incapacity. To keep life, to keep love, to keep friends and to keep your own happiness. I have a body and a soul, which right now hold no value to me.
I do not associate with anyone cause I believe it brings dependecy and pain when they leave. I did how ever dare to and that I realized has its own bitter sweetness. You know the pond is deep but there are still people who know they just have to jump in cause their hearts aren’t week and I believe I am so. But that belief too was shattered today.
You turn around a corner cause you believe that is the right way. You jump of a cliff hoping that the ground below will be something that you never have to see again. You die not because you want to die but because you hate living. Your self repect and love for yourself and a very few people around is the only thing that keeps you moving forward. When you have no one to please and no one to show your happiness to then why be happy anymore. You can be happy with equals and not with people who you dont understand. When you believe that things that formed the foundation of your happiness is hurting someone you considered important, then you question are you capable of life and living. Your purpose of life is no more. You just fit the system, the system I dreaded to be a part of. I realize I am not capable of taking without hurting and wish not to hurt. Hurt no one cause I dont want to. I belive there is good and evil and I am not good then by deduction I am what I am and that doesnt seem to agree who I want to be.
I have always stood at the line of emotional and physical death. I got answers that I never wished I knew. I got my plan clearly laid out. I have to be who I dreaded never to be and who always hauted me. “The past looked dark and the future bright” Would this statement make sense to the blind?I am blind and I realized I dont need the bright future. I need only fit the system.
I will just fit the system.The system I dreaded for years. The system I never wanted to be. I never feared death. I can embrace it like a friend. Cause I know that friend will never leave me.
The chocie is clear. The system is death and I am now the system.I need not be anymore. “I” am no more.